A major ingredient for moving into freedom from homosexuality is having a healthy selfhood. So many people who come to be set free from this sin have never realized who they are as an individual. There are various reasons for this lack. One reason is the lack of attention, affection and affirmation that the parents should have given to a child so he or she would realize they are unique and individual with qualities that are given by God to bless the world.
On the heels of this lack is another cause of having no selfhood and that is abuse. Whether the abuse is sexual, physical or psychological, the focus of the child’s mind is turned to how bad he or she is and this creates a blockage to seeing the good qualities and gifting of the child that are given by God. The identity begins to be defined by the shock of sexual abuse, harsh words, curses and hitting. In some children’s experience, the shock may not be as severe as that, but could be disappointment, depression and despair because of never being able to please the parents or being left out of the activities of the family or never receiving what was promised.
Many people feel they did not fit in in their own families because of interests in the arts while being part of a family of people who do not have that gifting and they focus on sports and hunting. Some homes have little communication and the child is not praised or taught, but will be criticized for not knowing how to do things. Some children are made to do a lot of work in the home and thus feel if they are not working they are not worth anything. A lot of name calling, put downs and ridicule can become a curse of words which sting and become a source of shame and false identity such as: fatso, queer, stupid, ugly, lazy and other assorted epithets.
In some cases of trauma, the child becomes identified with the sexual abuse and feels dirty and only good for dirty sex. These painful lies become embedded in the child’s mind and identity and crowd out the true selfhood. Some people feel they have no selfhood and become what people say about them. They are very afraid of people’s words and their power to isolate and poison other people’s opinion about them. When the child tries to please people to gain their love, this can result in the child trying to be whatever the person wants him or her to be and that squelches selfhood. Fantasy and masturbation with its qualities of isolating the person, can hinder selfhood because of living in an unreal state and creating a world any way you want it to be.
We have found that it is very important to find out what blocked your selfhood and work to uproot those lies from childhood. You will need to write what hurt you, made you feel afraid, angry, shameful, made you feel left out and useless, made you feel ugly or stupid. When you can see clearly the source of your pain and lies, then you can begin to reject those false identities. Have a godly friend or counselor pray out of your identity the curse of words, the lies, the false concept of yourself and pray in the truth of who you are in Christ. Then you can begin the joyous work of claiming your selfhood. You will need to write a list of your good qualities, your gifts from God and your talents. These should be prayed into your identity as you agree to walk in the new identity of being who God created you to be and not live in the false misperceptions of yourself.
You are a new creation in Christ. He wants you to live in who He called you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lord has called you His treasured possession. He delights over you with singing. Think of the Lord singing over you with joy like a Father over His child. Rejoice–you are no longer under a curse. You are new in Him. Put off the old man–put on the new . Walk as a child of light because that is who you are. Wake up every morning and praise God for your new selfhood in Him. Encourage yourself in the Lord and stop all negative thinking and speaking about yourself. Think about what blocks you from your true selfhood and go to God every day and ask Him to remove that blockage. Trust in Him to do what you ask. You will be set free to be who He created you to be and to live in the joy of being who you truly are.
And do this, understanding the present time. The hour has come for you to wakeup from your slumber because your salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deed of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature (or the flesh). Romans 13:11-14
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth.) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness but rather expose them. Ephesians:5:8-11
by Joanne Highley