After the shock of hearing that your son or daughter is involved in or is tempted by homosexual desires, you are left with your emotions truly disturbed and wondering, “What do I do now?” Your gut level reaction is to go get the son or daughter and keep them safe within your home for the rest of their lives. But they do have free will and you cannot force them to do what you would want or even what God would desire for them. They must make the decision and repent. Actually, before that great step of repentance, they must see that this is a sin and is harmful to them and to society. It feels good to them some of the time and they try to block out the times they feel terrible about what they are doing.
So what is the plan for you as you face this very difficult problem in your life and your son or daughter’s life as well.
The first thing you need to do is to find out what homosexuality is and how someone becomes free of this sin/addiction. Most mothers immediately go to the Christian bookstore or library and come home with a load of books on the subject. We would suggest that you not read every book on the subject because there are many divergent views about this controversial issue. You need to find a godly ministry that is biblically grounded and read their material as well as talk to a counselor from that group.
This will help a lot, because you will hear live testimony of freedom and victory which will begin to calm your fears. Then, if possible, attend some meetings of that ministry to hear people interact and see how they work against the lies and deceptions of this sin.
You should begin regular spiritual warfare against the schemes of the devil to harm your son or daughter. Pray to break the generational sin lines that have come down on either side of the family. You need to write these down and take authority over these generational sins. The sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generations should be prayed against. The father as priest should take authority over these ungodly lines of the fathers’ sins. Then proclaim that this sin will stop at this generation. Stand strong against the schemes of the devil and release the power of God to protect and reclaim your child.
If the father refuses to do this or is not a believer, then the mother must take her place as protector of her child and stand strong against the schemes of the devil who is trying to steal, kill and destroy.
It is good to pray two major scriptures over your child: From Hosea we have the Lord speaking about Hosea’s wife’s adultery.
“Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.” Hosea 2:6-7
In Timothy we see a great piece of advice for you parents about your emotional response and a powerful prayer for you to pray over your son or daughter.
“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive, to do His will. II Timothy 2:23-26
This prayer should be prayed over your son or daughter very day. Also, if you have hurt your child in the past and said harmful things like calling your son or daughter names that put him or her down (curse of words) or did hurtful things to him or her, to provoke him or her to wrath, you need to sit down with your child and apologize. This should be worked out on paper before you do it so you will not go into old anger or quarreling, but only apology and hopefully, reconciliation.
Every time you speak about homosexuality to your son or daughter, you should always include the words, “I know God will set you free from this.” or “The Lord loves you and wants you to have abundant life.” This is a very godly thing to do even if it raises the anger of your child. You are stating the truth and also stating your faith in God’s life-changing power. Also the Bible says, “The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)
You need to let your son or daughter know that you will not allow any visit where the two of them would be sleeping together under your roof. You can let them know you definitely want to stay in contact with them, but you are never going to accept this relationship as something good or godly. There is no approval of homosexuality in the Bible, only strong disapproval and warning of consequences of this sin. It is not the worse sin, but it does have very serious consequences, such as, not inheriting the Kingdom of God. You need to tell them that you are praying for them to come out of this deception into God’s truth.
As far as money or support given to support this lifestyle, you will not be able to give to something that is so harmful and deceptive. When it comes to holidays, birthdays, weddings or funerals, you will need to pray about each of these family gatherings and see what God wants you to do. He may want to use these to bring back the family ties that have been broken. Or He may want to convict the son or daughter by not having them attend. Listen for His voice and do what He tells you to do in these instances. (As far as any “wedding” of the two people involved in homosexuality, you cannot be a part of any such travesty. This is not of God and corrupts the couple as well as the nation.)
Leave the lines of communication open and prepare every day with God what you are going to say to your son or daughter. God will give you the words if you sit with Him. He wants repentance and cleansing for your child. He will strengthen you and give you wisdom. Always work together as parents and have a unified message to your child. Remember, this is a refining fire for you and will deepen your faith and draw you closer to God. It could also be a great time of revelation and cleansing for the entire family. God bless you and give you His Holy Spirit to guide and comfort you during this time.
What’s a Parent to Do?
by Joanne Highley